My Journal!

May 13, 2021
It's been a while. Sorry for lack of updates, I don't really know where the past (almost) 2 months went but lol... so serious talk. cw for abuse mentions, discussion of suicide, self harm

So I've been mistreated and physically + mentally abused by my dad for coming up on 14 years-- at least, that's how far back i remember instances of it. well he's gone now, he's going on a trip and when he's back in town he's not staying with us anymore. i've been anticipating it because well i mean... but i thought i would feel better once he was gone. i'm really glad he's not coming back but i guess it just hit me how long it's been and how that's time + mental health i'm just not gonna get back.
it really makes me wanna kill myself, or cut myself off from everyone i know and not talk to anyone. i'm really tempted to delete all my social medias and my discord. i've always been quick to self harm in overwhelming situations but i did earlier with literally 0 prompting, i just felt compelled to. friends have messaged me and it's upset me for again, 0 reason related to the person messaging me. i just don't know what to say. it makes me feel guilty for not being around ^^;

i'm only putting this here cause i can pretend (if i may be so bold) that nobody reads this.

March 19, 2021
Hello! I have Items to share (LOL). I've ordered and recieved some things lately! I've also got a physical copy of Hades coming but that's not here yet.

First up is Junji Ito's Cat Diary! I've wanted to read this manga for a very long time but couldn't find it anywhere online, so I bought it! It's very cute and the contrast of the mundane stories and well. Junji Ito's art. makes it really funny! Like moreso than it already is.
Next is a Snow Miku Nendoroid, 2020's Snow Parade. This is my second Miku Nendoroid and third overall (I have Cheerful and Majora's Mask Link) and she is sooo cute oh my god. She comes with so much cute stuff and i love her aesthetics so! This figure is the reason I held off on updating because I wanted to when it was here and it just arrived yesterday.
Finally, assorted pins and buttons! The buttons are by my friend Bikespicy and I have some stickers coming too but they haven't arrived. The pins are by Zetallis and OMG listen. I'm so far down the Yakuza hole (I'm on y3) and these are so awesome. They literally open (they're on a hinge) and you can see their back tattoos.

They arrived super quick and are SO worth it if you can afford both. But yeah!!! I'm very excited over all it. I've never really recieved mail throughout my life so it's wild to be able to . buy myself stuff . and then it actually shows up LOL like it's irl.

ALSO OK SO. I'VE GOTTEN INTO BAYONETTA. And wow I didnt know I needed this in my life. Bayo is so awesome I love her so much she's so cool and the game is so goofy and hilarious like oh my god. Also it's the most anti-my parents thing I've ever played and you just Love to see it. But yeah I'm so glad I got this new computer bc these 'run around and fight things' games are finally accessible to me and I love them so much. That's all though!

March 9, 2021
Hi, wow I need to update this more frequently. (I know I don't need to but like.. you get it) I've slowly gotten back into drawing, if you can't tell by the bare update on the art page I... haven't been up to it lately lol. BUT! Oh my god you guys, freaking Hades??? and Yakuza??? own my life now. I'm already on Kiwami 2 and. O_O Oh My God. It's so good but it hurts so bad yall (the series in general) lol... I've got some Kiryu and Majima pins coming in the mail!! I'll share when those arrive. I also got Hades physical for Switch which is coming soon too! I'm really gonna make an effort to show my face here more, I miss Neocities...

February 4, 2021
OK SO. Lot going on, I've been in a weird mood but! Good news! I got Megpoid v4 Complete (Gumi)!!! She's my second favorite vocaloid! :D And now she's mine LOL. Yes I'm working on a thing. Don't worry LOL. And!!! Omg you guys! I've been accepted into a collaborative vocaloid album!! And it's getting a physical release!!! So my music is gonna exist in Da Real World! :D It's this, Ranagain!!! For the vocaloid Rana who I love. It's just super exciting!
ALSO. Yakuza 0... it hurts... everything is bad LOL jk jk. Kinda. OK THAT'S ALL. Talk later.

January 23, 2021
Happy new year, it's almost February lol! I've been really busy and tired but I'm in a good mood so I'm writing lol. I've been really fixated on me and my friend B's vocaloid canon!! Specifically our story with Kiyoteru dating the voiceroid Kou and them raising Yuki and also they're teachers. I'm also still fixated on my oc Eri (and Mie) ofc! I've also been playing Yakuza 0 and it's really fun. (I forget what else I was gonna say...) Anyways hopefully I'll write more soon? Hopefully lol.

December 26, 2020
Suddenly: after Christmas. LOL, hi! I hope everyone's been well. I've ... been. But! Very exciting news! I was gifted a new vosynth for Christmas! The paid version of Genbu, who I previously used the freeware version of to compose a song! Also, I'm probably getting a new computer really soon! Thank god lol... mine is literally actually falling apart, I've had it for like years and it was really cheap so. But yea! I'm alive lol, arguably...

December 3, 2020
Ayyy hello again :tada: I have things to talk about. So!!! Lately I've been definitely not hyperfixated focused on an oc trio I have with my friend B! You might have seen I made a whole new section on the art page of the story they're from... LOL. Also look at these cute emotes B did (their toyhouse page):

we have them (among others) on Discord and I use them constantly. XD

ALSO! I got Project Diva Mega Mix for switch!!! Aw man I forgot how much I love Vocaloid music LOL not like I make it or anything... it's really fun!! I've never played a proper PD game before now so, I've had fun with it though!! That's about it for now.

November 13, 2020
Hello! I've been pretty busy lol... lots to talk about. OK SO I'll start out with the fact that I've continued watching Yugioh and... oh god 😭 I'm not sure how to spoil with my css but... if you've watched it, I'm at the Battle City Finals so you might know what I'm 😭'ing over. Basically everything is bad and it hurts LOL. On a fun note, I've gotten Nitro on Discord so now I can spam ygo emotes anywhere I please.

The selection I have is... something LOL. We have fun.

ALSO, you may have seen, I got a Switch Lite and Animal Crossing!!! It's pretty good... there's a lot of quality of life improvements! If you want to add me, I put my friend code on my Neocities Page so just comment there if you did! I'm always down to play...
One more thing, me and my friend B have been discussing our ocs Mie and Aiari a lot recently and I've been having a lot of fun with it!! They made a really funny thing of Mie... I love it lol. Anyways yeah! I've been busy and tired cause of my job but... I'm still vibing.

October 29, 2020
Small update: I can't get Leon. B')

October 25, 2020
Hey everyone! I've been working since Wednesday (it's Sunday at time of writing) and man have I been tired... XD Unfortunately Yakuza 0 barely works (LOL) but I still have it for if I get a computer that can run it! However, I may be getting a new Vocaloid, which is exciting! It's Leon, one of the very first vocaloids that ever existed (his software is literally 16 years old!!) and one that isn't even officially for sale anymore. He's really good! Here's a song I like with him, if I get him he'll be my first male vocaloid which is really exciting!! We love boyloids here... lol. It'll be really nice though if I'm able to buy him! My friend offered to cover it until I get paid because of the possible time sensitive nature of the buy, which was super nice of them! I'm just in a good mood lol.

October 17, 2020
Hello y'all!!! Great news! I got the job! :D I have training this upcoming week and hopefully I'll be starting this week too! I bought myself Yakuza 0 as a treat since it was only $5, and when I start working I'll be saving for a Nintendo Switch Lite so! It's all very exciting lol.

October 08, 2020
WOO ok I'm excited (LOL) I've got news. So I have a job interview tomorrow (October 9) for a job staying overnight with disabled folks and I really hope I get it! I don't sleep anyways and I have lots of experience communicating etc with disabled folks (I mean... *gestures to myself*). So! The album I bought myself for my birthday can also be mailed, finally! I collect these so it's very exciting it's finally on the way.

September 22, 2020
Happy fall everyone 🎉 I've survived another season haha... I haven't been fantastic but I managed to crawl back here to type so that's good enough I guess. I was gonna complain but I just don't really care enough to so. Maybe I'll do it later

September 10, 2020
Ooh I'm so excited yall, I've been watching yugioh more and omg, the Battle City Finals are so wild already omg. We finished the Atem vs Bakura duel and stopped there for now, but I'm really excited!! I drew some Maliks as well as a really stupid little comic of Bakura and Jou, god help Ryo's body (heads up for blood/consumption and wounds lol.. I was hesitant to stick this pic on my art page). But yeah!! And me and my friend B have been discussing our ocs Mie and Aiari too so that's been exciting because they're like, developing as characters lol.

Also, I have a music recommendation! If you know Vinny Vinesauce (the haha funny pizza pasta man) you may know about his band Red Vox! Well, I started listening to them recently and they rock. So you should too! Realign and Another Light are both cool albums, I really like "Realign" (title track), "Apathetic Empathy" and "Be Someone Forever" off Realign, and "Memories Lie", "Rub Your Eyes" and "In the Garden" off Another Light! I really like rock like this so finding out that my favorite streamer made it was super cool.

September 1, 2020
Hi yall, I know the site's been pretty quiet lately! Sorry about that lol. Happy September I guess! I would rather keep how I've been relatively undiscussed lmao, but, I have been gaming a lot lately so that's been fun. I played a game called Underhero, which is GREAT so you should totally play it too (there's like. Mmm it's not perfect, there's one bit that bothered me but it's good otherwise)! I was also gifted a copy of Pokemon Heart Gold so I've been playing that, as well as Night In The Woods on and off! I haven't really been doing much else, I've been trying to do more music, but imagine having skill lol. And I've only been drawing a tiny bit. Hopefully I'll be up to more creative stuff again soon!

August 17, 2020
Today was eventful! I got to watch yugioh again today after 5 1/2 months to the day XD ; and I had fun overall! We're almost to Battle City so I'm excited bc I heard that's real Jou hours and he's my favorite and a mood so. I also got to commission my friend Ken! I had just enough left to buy a bust from them of my new guy Theo, who I got from my friend Lys and would actually die for. He's by one of my favorite character designers and we had discussed him originally so they offered to trade me him so I could use the ideas we had!

I did a partial custom based off a character i had concepted but then didn't have any use for. They were really happy with him so, good trade I guess! I hope they'll come up with a good story for him ^^ they like my designs and use them which is really flattering so.

OH I ALSO HAVE EXCITING NEWS. I have a new song coming out... soon! The song itself is done, I just need to edit the video together! If you'd like a sneak peak, here is a composite of some of the video assets o_o. It's not done with Vocaloid this time, instead with SynthV because I don't own any boy loids.

August 4, 2020
Weh...ok so I'm to Giga Macho in p2is but I'm not in a super gaming mood much so I probably won't play more for a bit. However, I DID find out that the walkthrough I've been using... isn't finished. ^^; and it's from 2000 so I doubt it will be finished. So at least the game is longer than I thought haha! Also, I did section out what all I'll need to write up for my Vocaloid canon, so if you'd like a sneak peek to something that most likely won't ever be completed, here you go. Haven't done much else besides that, my oc Harley hit 150 images on his toyhouse page so there's that lol.

August 3, 2020
I didn't realize it'd already been almost 3 weeks since I posted up in here! I've just been gaming and drawing mostly, I've been updating the site of course I just hadn't here. It's been pretty stressful in general so I've just been falling back into the things I like more than not, so I don't have a whole lot to talk about overall. I did finish the Kasugayama High portion of p2is (see the previous entry) and I've been doing Art Fight too of course!

I want to make a page here dedicated to the collaborative Vocaloid canon I have but there's so much to it that it'll take a lot of writing and formatting to make sense and in case you're new, long form writing's not really a thing I can do anymore ^^;. We'll have to see! Me and my friend have been developing it for over a year and a half (don't ask, I couldn't give exact dates...) and there's multiple main connecting stories so there's a lot to it that I would have to find or remember and then type up.

July 13, 2020
I've been on a really intense Persona 2 (Innocent Sin specifically) kick lately, I'm thinking a lot more about the things I was into earlier in the year again... I picked up the game itself again though and I'm almost done with the Kasugayama High portion of the game! Also, I recieved a gift from Gray of Livid Dreams, this pixel!

It's of my character Fondant and was for my birthday, it's so cute. :sob: Gray is such a good artist and you should definitely check out her site if you haven't!

July 7, 2020
Yesterday (July 6) was my birthday! I'm 19 now. It was mostly good, I got lots of very cute art from my friends (xxxxxxxx), celebrated with my mamaws and had ice cream cake, and got to buy the new Hatsune Miku Magical Mirai album! I also had to go do a job thing, which was annoying, but it didn't take too long before I got to come back home. I would have written about it yesterday but by the time the day was over I was really worn out so. I got to play Mario Kart though so it was nice!

June 28, 2020
I've been doing surprisingly well! I finished all the owed art I had just in time for Art Fight, got into Lemon Demon via his Spirit Phone album, my parents went on vacation for the weekend so it's overall been peaceful here? It's been really nice. I'm sure my mood won't persist-- they're coming home today-- but it was nice while it lasted. I've also been adding pages to the site! And I beat the game Celeste. ^^ If you'd like to see some fanart I did recently, you can click these.

June 14, 2020
I don't have a good idea how I want to start this one to be honest, I've been sleeping a lot as usual and a couple days back I woke up at 9pm. That's life though ^^;. I've just been busy... I've really been wanting to game and just Haven't. I could be doing that instead of writing this but... *shrugs* I wanted to update this. It's said on my updates, but I got help from Gray with site coding! And it's such a relief because it's such a hassle having to update every page's sidebars, and now I don't have to think of a new thing to put on the other columns over there to replace site updates either! -->
Alright I'm gonna go now. Don't have much else to say.

June 11, 2020
Well, I guess later never came haha. I've been really busy and also tired so I haven't typed anything new until now. I have a lot to talk about though! So I'll get into it.

I bought the Itch.io Bundle for Racial Justice and Equality (For sale through June 15 2020), and there's so much cool stuff in it! If you play games and haven't donated to get access, I don't even know what you're doing. It's a $5 minimum to donate and you get enough games to last you years lol. I found over 100 that interested me at a glance, plus it's going to a good cause! Right now I'm playing 2064: Read Only Memories and I highly recommend it for people who liked games like VA-11 HALL-A, and people who like lots of story and point and clicks. It's cyberpunk style so! If you enjoy that aesthetic it's an absolute joy to play this game even if only for the visuals.

I've also gotten into a new musical group, Tally Hall. They've been on hiatus since 2012 (of course they have ^^;) but their two albums absolutely rock. It's funny, sometimes unsettling music that is really good especially if you like rock and stuff like that, and stuff with synths. It definitely plays into the 'if you listen closely the lyrics are lowkey disturbing' type but it's generally comedic enough to not be viewed as creepy. See: Two Wuv, which is a total banger but the lyrics are... questionable. LOL.

June 3, 2020
I've been trying to learn how to use CSS for this site-- no dice. I dont know what I want to put over there --> because it's a hassle editing every single webpage every time there's a new update, but I'd like to have something substantial there still. I've been sleeping ridiculous amounts (I woke up at 6 odd PM today) and I haven't been getting anything done but I just can't be bothered to. I don't sleep at night, but I'm still tired when I'm awake. More later.

June 1, 2020
I've cleared my previous entries because I don't like how forced they felt. I like the less formatted style more because it's easier for me to write about whatever is actually on my mind without feeling stuck in a box where I can only talk about certain things. That said, I probably still won't be updating this daily. I just don't have the focus to look at code for longer periods and write every day!

I've been really down and out lately because of all the stuff happening with the police and all that. It's so anxiety inducing for everyone I feel like, I just don't want more people to get hurt. I don't have a good place I can vent about it without actually having to discuss politics, or feel like I have to, so I'll do it here.

I'm really hoping June turns out being ok, but is it really realistic to hope for it at this point lol? I'm almost 19 (July 6), I graduated a year ago but it doesn't feel like any time has passed at all. Everything just got worse lol. My sense of time is already nonexistent, everything's just gotten so fast these past couple years so it's like "it was just 2018 though", or at least that's the vibe.

I haven't been talking to much of anyone consistently, I keep embarrassing myself when I try lol and it's just like wow I'm in hell! I'm gonna make it a point to not talk about specific people too much here because. *gestures around* It's public, but yeah I'm no good at talking. It's big "why are people friends with me?" hours and it sucks but whatcha gonna do. Anyways I'm done typing for now.